I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
