I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
