My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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