just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
