Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
