dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
