your thong is hanging out like whoa
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
