I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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