No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
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you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
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We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize