are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
