Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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