I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
