My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
