i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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