she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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