I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Come on in and take your pants off
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