Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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