I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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