i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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