There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
