My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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