I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
