yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
