i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
