The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
