"it" just moved
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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