4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You're like the curious george of whores
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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