Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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