Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
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Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
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Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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