So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
