Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
