jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
