I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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