Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
