Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
