How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
