Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
