If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
