Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
