Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Is Oprah even human
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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