I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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