I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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