She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
