Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
