so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
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I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
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she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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