I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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