What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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