just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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