if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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