who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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