dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
