i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
