i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
not ubering you a puppy
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
