just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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