I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
