this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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