So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
