people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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