I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
