why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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