Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
