You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
