Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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